It's OK if they sparkle, it's not OK how they act.

I have read Twilight and I think they are the single worst thing an inexperienced woman could read. Simply put, Twilight teaches women to want things that shouldn't exist (because they are character flaws) or are bad for them. The worst lessons learned are:
1. Secrets are good, especially life-threatening ones.
2. It's OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful as long as he has great abs.
3. If a boy tells you to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the love of your life. You should stay with him since he will keep you safe forever.
4. Even though you have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you , it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, you should use him to fix things for you.
5. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while you run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity.
6. If the boy you are in love with causes you (even indirectly) to be beaten so badly you end up in the hospital, you should tell the doctors and your family that you "fell down the steps" because you are such a silly, clumsy girl. That excuse always works well for abused women.
7. Men can be changed for the better if you sacrifice everything you are and devote yourself to the chance they might improve. Decent men like that.
8. Women should make no effort to improve their social skills or emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and mental illnesses.

Which one of these points don't make your skin crawl? The only correct answer here is "none". If you answered differently, please seek therapy and for the love of pete, do not date!

This normally fulfilling relationship has been "Twilighted"

Twilight deprives women of the ability to find satisfaction and peace in real life. By glorifying an unhealthy relationship as ideal, its cartoonish exaggerations of devotion and love obliterate the pale boring thing that is a healthy balance in life.

Mood Lighting

So um, I bred my first goat yesterday. I know, I'm a hick. Minnie is a white Lamancha breed. She is also a loud, nervous thing. When she's in heat she sounds like she's getting hit by a bus, it's horrible. She knew something was up when I tried to feed her some grain from my hand holding a rope. She didn't fall for it and in the end we tackled her and tied her up.
So we get her on the truck and to her "date", and the guy with the buck (read: daddy goat) asks me which buck I want to breed her to, I said "a quiet one". I also wanted the floppiest eared goat he had; that goat turned out to be Sid. We get the two together and they are both happy to see each other. I was wearing a headlight flashlight at the time and I thought it might be freaking Minnie out, as everything I had done to her that day was freaking her out. I turned the light from white to red; when I did this Dan (the buck master) said "ooh, mood lighting". Strangely I had no desire to sing bow-chika-wow-wow, it seemed wrong.
Sid does the deed and Dan says that it's a good idea to breed them twice "just to make sure she's full". That is sauteed in wrong sauce. So we have to wait for Sid to get good and ready while Minnie acts like a freshman that got invited to senior prom. I've still got my red light on and as I look at his 20 strong herd of goats it feels like I'm looking at "goat herd of the dammed". Sid goes for a couple of "practice tries" and finally gets the deed done again. Dan says, "ok that's it". It looked the same as the practice runs! How can you tell? He said "I guess after you've seen it so many times you can just tell." he says that if she's still meowing loudly and flagging her tail that I should bring her back tomorrow. I can't wait.
We get to repeat this for Glowbug, but we won't have to chase her around for 30 minutes.