Hey Georgia, we’ve been in a relationship for about a month now and I have to say, you made quite an impression on me. You’re so warm I actually want to be outside. You have an abundance of my favorite thing, thunder showers. You also have things like laser tag and an epic six flags close to me. I must say, you’ve swept me off my feet.
However, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship and there’s more than one thing sweeping me off my feet.
THE BUGS HERE ARE FREAKING TERRIFYING.
It’s been warm here for quite some time, in fact, as I write this it’s about 90 degrees. I guess the side effect of this paradisiacal weather is that the bugs can grow to epic levels. I expected the mosquitoes, but the fire ants, Godzilla type bees, wasps and roaches were a surprise. Evidently, termites are also a huge thing out here. They are so prevalent that houses being sold must be inspected, bonded and insured before ownership can change hands.
About 3 weeks after I got here, I saw my first dead cockroach. It was near the edge of the garage. I was sure it was one because it was so large I could see everything with the naked eye. The antennas alone were longer than an inch.
It was then when I realized that all the movies and TV shows showing roaches in New York slums are absolutely and completely true. This fact makes me want to take a crowbar and a small nuclear device and separate the north east US from the rest of the country; you know, place some sort of oceanic moat between us and them.
Next was the huge frog I found and captured on my porch. The southern leopard frog was my desk mascot for the next 3 hours until I could show it to Cortlan and Cappy. Without extending it’s legs, it was the size of Rowan’s hands.
Later that same day, Cortlan found another dead cockroach IN THE HOUSE this time. Phil tells me the best way to check for an infestation is to stand in a dark room at night and quickly turn on the light to see if you have critter goodness.
I’M NOT BLEEPIN DOIN THAT.
I want to pay the Orkin man to make this not my problem. I’ve never done well with vermin or parasites even in documentary form and to me, the flamethrower from “Aliens” is not over kill. I don’t think we have an infestation, but I’m too scared to think about the alternative. I prefer to take off and nuke the site from orbit… just to be sure.
Not to be out shone by mere roaches, last night as Phil and I were sitting on the couch A FREAKING CENTIPEDE ran out from under the couch. Sure it’s dead now, but my skin is now crawling with what lies beneath.
For now, I welcome our new insect overlords. Mostly because I don’t want to be the one carried off to their 20 foot king as a sacrifice.
P.S. I also learned about silverfish this week. DO NOT WANT.
