A Twenty-Three Hour Tour

*Authors Note* This post was written while in transit on 3 different planes and 4 airports over the space of a day. It’s not a Van Gogh; it’s more like a Monet. Looks good from far away but is a disaster up close.
So I leave my house with Dashle, Caydrien and Caspian in tow at about 10am on Saturday. I drive Lauren’s car to Southcenter mall, getting there about 2pm. I have a business meeting from 2:30-4pm and I leave for Sea-Tac airport after that.
I look at my itinerary and notice I need to check in at United Airlines. After waiting in that line for 20 minutes, I am told I need to check in with US Airways (they are subletting the flight or something). So I haul my fat to the US Airways counter which is at the OTHER END OF THE CHECK-IN CONCOURSE. I’m late because I was in the other line too long and they tell me that if they lose my bag they won’t deliver it when (or if) it’s found; I’ll have to pick it up. Then I go through TSA’s participation trophy effort to secure our airplanes and have to send my stuff through twice because laptops need to go by themselves and they can tell me to take my shoes off before I go through but can’t tell me to separate everything out. After that I run to the gate to find that they HAVEN’T STARTED BOARDING YET. This flight is packed but it’s only from Seattle to Phoenix, about a 3 hour tour, err trip.
So I get off the plane in Phoenix right as all the restaurants close and I’m starving, but I can still smell all the food so that’s swell. I make it to the gate listed on my boarding pass, listed as 6B. I go to B6 thinking I’m in the clear because my 1st connecting flight doesn’t leave for another 2 and half hours.
All is well and good until I notice it is 10pm, my boarding time, and the place is still deserted. I look at the departures and see a 7:45am to Newark (my 2nd connection) was moved to A6, the concourse I just came from. I don’t trust the magical screen and find customer service for US Airways. They tell me that they’ve Sub-letted my Phoenix to Newark (NJ) flight to Continental Airlines and that their gates are in a DIFFERENT BUILDING. Bonus points for making me leave the “secure” area to take a BUS to the other building and have to subject myself and my stuff to yet another participation trophy effort by the TSA. I have to haul my fat to make that flight as well. As I partake in the party that is a cross-county red-eye I saw the sun set in Phoenix and I saw it rise somewhere over Pennsylvania. Happy Father’s Day!
So I get to Newark at about 6am, but I had plenty of time to eat breakfast because my final flight didn’t leave until 8am. Even though Newark is Continental’s hub, my connecting flight is once again in a DIFFERENT BUILDING. My two gates could not get further apart.

 

I would also like to thank Newark airport for having the crappiest food I have yet to see an airport offer. After running past all the good closed restaurants in Phoenix and starving on the plane, I was banking on Newark to have some basic food. I hoped it would be close to my departure gate so I wouldn’t have to run for 3 planes in one day. But I should’ve known better than to depend on New Jersey for anything. In the end I had to settle for some yogurt and granola that had gratuitous use of red dye no. 40, but I found the right gate and I can’t let go, not even for food. Me thinks they will be serving cold fish heads on the plane for breakfast.  
 I should get to Richmond VA at about 10:30 eastern time. At least, that’s what my ride planned for. But only on this trip could getting in 90 minutes early be useless. Now I’m sitting outside waiting for an hour for my sister to show up. It’s another hour and a half to my sister’s house (my final destination) so my time spent in transit will be roughly 23 hours. At least they didn’t lose my suitcase.

Priceline, today I hate you. You too William Shatner.